"Parenting Evolution is Societal Evolution."
Robin Grille
Robin Grille
Parenting Evolution is us, it is you and me.
It's us following nature's child-rearing classic, "The Child’s Biology".
It's us matching our nurturing to the child's biological and emotional needs.
It’s us striving for a better ways to handle ourselves when the heat is on.
Parental evolution and societal evolution both begin in the heart.
We are the key to our children's happiness ~ no pressure.
We know a lot about the importance of the first thousand days in a child's life starting at conception thanks to very sophisticated 'research technology'.
We the parents are the biggest influence on the actual cellular growth of our babies bodies and brains.
We know a lot about the importance of the first thousand days in a child's life starting at conception thanks to very sophisticated 'research technology'.
We the parents are the biggest influence on the actual cellular growth of our babies bodies and brains.
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Robin Grille states, "The human brain and heart that are met primarily with empathy in the critical early years cannot and will not grow to choose a violent or selfish life.”
What changes the structure and function of a child's brain? 1. A bonded secure attachment with the mother (or whoever stands in for her) which is the child's safe anchor in the big unknown world. This is fundamental to healthy brain development - and therefor all development. With this person as her anchor, the child extends her trust out to others, yet always returning to the 'trusted adult' with whom they have the 'this-feels-like-home-bond'. 2. The quality of care the child receives from her 'trusted adult'. If you think you're all good with #2, please take the quiz at the bottom of this page. 3. Stress affects brain growth badly. The three most common stressors are leaving a baby to cry it out, separation from the trusted adult, and childcare. 4. Over the last 30 years parents have come to believe it is 'normal' to put your baby into care. It is not even close to normal to have large numbers of children all the same age in a group. That's why home based care is a very good option. Here in New Zealand, the home-based group is never going to be greater than four. If you have to choose childcare, look for a centre that does primary care giving. This is your one major clue that the teachers there know that the bonded relationship is central to healthy unfolding and brain growth of babies and children. 5. Screens. The bad news is the younger the child, the greater the damage from time in front of a screen. Research shows us that the human brain does not grow in front of a screen. Encephalograms show the brain activity in people watching a screen reads close to brain dead. Hours in front of a screen are hours the child misses out on the activities that unfold their intelligences, naturally. Children need to ~ move, jump, dance, balance, do flips - because movement physically grows the brain ~ problem solve as they play in the real three dimensional world ~ perfect the physical skills that unfold their multiple intelligences. The screen provides the images for the child, and that overrides the brain's ability to work creatively in images. This . Children will need you to ensure that they have hours and hours and hours of screen-free time. |
Here's to 2022 and our united efforts to make it better for our babies and toddlers, at home and in care.
If you are new to this site, I invite you to check out this short quiz.
In search of the Culture of Kindness
Facing ourselves
Have you ever met someone who does something repeatedly, and they don’t know they are doing it? They are not aware of their habit, it just doesn’t show up on their radar. Or conversely, do you know someone who doesn’t do something but they swear they do?
“I always put my clothes out in the wash. Honest.
And I always hang up the towels.”
Most of us are just as sure we respect our babies, we certainly mean to. But maybe when we shine a light on our habits things look a bit different.
Here is a short quiz - If you want to print a hard copy click here
Have you ever? Would you like it?
Answer each question honestly - simply answer yes or no.
Something doesn’t add up
Now that you have answered the questions, you will probably notice two things: Firstly, for all (or most) of the red questions you answered ‘Yes’, and for all (or most) of the black questions you answered ‘No’. Why is that? Why is it okay to treat a baby one way, while at the same time we would not like any of it done to us? Are babies not human? Are they not the same species with all of the human sensitivities and emotions? Of course they are, so the mismatch doesn’t make sense.
Stories are powerful, especially hidden stories
The other thing you may have noticed as you were answering the questions is you may have had stories in your head as to why you did or did not invite baby to be picked up, or why it was “stupidity to ask a baby to give something to you, because what if he swallowed it and choked?” Hearing these stories alerts you to our culture’s subconscious stories around babies and children. And it is good, because it means your subconscious habits are up on your radar screen when you notice your stories. When they are up on your radar you can revise and upgrade the stories, but you can’t do that when they are hidden. For now just be aware of them, awareness is the beginning of change.
Got any ideas?
The bit to really wonder about is why there is such a mismatch of what we think we do and what we actually do. Why is there such a mismatch in our behaviour - respectful for adults, and disrespectful for babies?
Respect your Youngers
We have had it drummed into us - ‘respect your elders’. It might be time to turn that axiom around and start drumming it into our brains that our role as ‘elders’ is to respect our babies and children. Being respectful with babies and children can teach us the really important lessons about being human: lessons around respect, consideration, sensitivity, empathy, compassion and partnership. If we are up for it, we will need to make a shift in the ways we view children, we need to view them as partners we dance with, not little people we do things to. When we dance with our babies and children, we are planting the seeds of happiness and health for the child, in the short and long term. When we do things to our babies and children we are planting the seeds of abuse.
Onwards and upwards
When we were children we ‘downloaded’ what it is to be a child in our culture from the way the big people treated us and the other children around us. That download is still there, operating as our default setting. But we can ‘get conscious’ and begin to change things from the power-dynamic of domination to the power-dynamic of partnership. Here in New Zealand, when enough of us begin to change the way we behave with babies and children, we can look forward to climbing up from our dismal position of last on the table of OECD countries for child abuse, neglect and fatalities. I look forward to that day with all my heart.
Pennie Brownlee July 2012
In search of the Culture of Kindness
Facing ourselves
Have you ever met someone who does something repeatedly, and they don’t know they are doing it? They are not aware of their habit, it just doesn’t show up on their radar. Or conversely, do you know someone who doesn’t do something but they swear they do?
“I always put my clothes out in the wash. Honest.
And I always hang up the towels.”
Most of us are just as sure we respect our babies, we certainly mean to. But maybe when we shine a light on our habits things look a bit different.
Here is a short quiz - If you want to print a hard copy click here
Have you ever? Would you like it?
Answer each question honestly - simply answer yes or no.
- Yes/No Have you ever picked up a baby or a child from behind?
- Yes/No Would you like someone to pick you up from behind?
- Yes/No Have you ever picked up a baby or a child without telling him or her?
- Yes/No Would you like to be picked up by someone who didn’t tell you they were about to pick you up?
- Yes/No Have you ever picked up a baby or a child without asking him or her?
- Yes/No Would you like to be picked up by someone who hadn’t asked you if that was OK?
- Yes/No Have you ever picked up a baby or a child without waiting for them to accept your invitation?
- Yes/No Would you like someone to pick you up before you agreed and were ready?
- Yes/No Have you ever wiped a baby’s nose without telling him or her?
- Yes/No Would you like someone to wipe your nose without telling you?
- Yes/No Have you ever put a hat on a baby or child without asking them if you could?
- Yes/No Would you like someone to put a hat on you without asking if they could?
- Yes/No Have you ever put a baby or child into a carseat without telling or asking them?
- Yes/No Would you like someone to put you in the car’s seat and do up the seat belt without warning or invitation?
- Yes/No Have you ever taken a sweatshirt off a baby or child without first telling them?
- Yes/No Would you like someone to take a sweatshirt off you without first asking you?
- Yes/No Have you ever taken something out of a baby’s or child’s hand?
- Yes/No Would you like someone to take something out of your hand without asking and waiting for you to give it up?
Something doesn’t add up
Now that you have answered the questions, you will probably notice two things: Firstly, for all (or most) of the red questions you answered ‘Yes’, and for all (or most) of the black questions you answered ‘No’. Why is that? Why is it okay to treat a baby one way, while at the same time we would not like any of it done to us? Are babies not human? Are they not the same species with all of the human sensitivities and emotions? Of course they are, so the mismatch doesn’t make sense.
Stories are powerful, especially hidden stories
The other thing you may have noticed as you were answering the questions is you may have had stories in your head as to why you did or did not invite baby to be picked up, or why it was “stupidity to ask a baby to give something to you, because what if he swallowed it and choked?” Hearing these stories alerts you to our culture’s subconscious stories around babies and children. And it is good, because it means your subconscious habits are up on your radar screen when you notice your stories. When they are up on your radar you can revise and upgrade the stories, but you can’t do that when they are hidden. For now just be aware of them, awareness is the beginning of change.
Got any ideas?
The bit to really wonder about is why there is such a mismatch of what we think we do and what we actually do. Why is there such a mismatch in our behaviour - respectful for adults, and disrespectful for babies?
Respect your Youngers
We have had it drummed into us - ‘respect your elders’. It might be time to turn that axiom around and start drumming it into our brains that our role as ‘elders’ is to respect our babies and children. Being respectful with babies and children can teach us the really important lessons about being human: lessons around respect, consideration, sensitivity, empathy, compassion and partnership. If we are up for it, we will need to make a shift in the ways we view children, we need to view them as partners we dance with, not little people we do things to. When we dance with our babies and children, we are planting the seeds of happiness and health for the child, in the short and long term. When we do things to our babies and children we are planting the seeds of abuse.
Onwards and upwards
When we were children we ‘downloaded’ what it is to be a child in our culture from the way the big people treated us and the other children around us. That download is still there, operating as our default setting. But we can ‘get conscious’ and begin to change things from the power-dynamic of domination to the power-dynamic of partnership. Here in New Zealand, when enough of us begin to change the way we behave with babies and children, we can look forward to climbing up from our dismal position of last on the table of OECD countries for child abuse, neglect and fatalities. I look forward to that day with all my heart.
Pennie Brownlee July 2012
e d u c a t i o n f o r t h e h e a d a n d t h e h e a r t e d u c a t i o n f o r t h e h e a d a n d t h e h e a r t e d u c a t i o n f o r t h e h e a d a n d h e a r
